Three quick stories in less than 2 min to write:
1) I was walking my dog at 1AM down at the local park. I usually take my dog out very late so I dont have to pick up crap or see any of my shitty neighbors. Its pretty dark out and my dog is doing the half sitting position poo stance and this old man comes up out of nowhere. He’s all “clean up that poop.” My dog wasnt even done pooping and hes staring hardcore at me. Was this homo hiding in a bush waiting for some dog to shit? I say ” Im blind so why dont you clean it up douchebag?” He bent down and picked it up with his hands. Thats just nasty. Hes all ” my bad. no wonder youre walking a dog at 1 AM.” I’m all ” Yeah biotch. thought it was 1 PM. Enjoy the poo stained hands.” I walked home and fell asleep and didnt think about it until now. youre welcome
2) My neighbor was on the side of the house being homosexual. He was making a lot of noise and its around 2pm which is my power nap time. I look out the window and hes all ” Yeah. Its a white world and Im white lovin it. White power” There was no one there so its clear he was mumbling it to himself. The guy was being hardcore racist on the side of his house. Why doesnt he do that inside his house? Cant a negro just take a power nap in this neighborhood?
3) Two houses down is a loud ass dog that never shuts up. I called the lady on the telephone to complain and in a british accent she told me I was quote “bloody rubbish”. I walked to her house which is two houses down (like I said, but still its far) Its a solid 50-55 normal footsteps. If I ran it would be around half that. Anyway, she was all ” Im trying to have tea in the loo. go away. my dog is tiny and fits my fake plastic personality.” in that gay accent. I shot the dog through the window. Oh yeah, I had a gun. Anyway, I shot it. Then I walked home and played some MLB The Show 11